T and ScarSu are currently watching Premiere League Soccer together, and I'm doing laundry and picking up. I should be packing. That is not lost on me. I should be making countless runs to Tar.get to pick up odds and ends for my son.
I woke up a bit melancholy. I think it was because I had the most vivid dream of Khalil last night. I was in Ethiopia picking him up, and I was feeding him a bottle. The dream was so real I could smell him. I woke up, and there was no Khalil. Scarlett was in bed cuddling with me though. . . which was absolutely wonderful.
I'm not going to know what the embassy's decision is until Monday. And even then, I don't know if their decision will change anything for me.
If I hear Monday morning that the embassy said that now they will hear our case on September 30th, I would need to get on the phone immediately with the airline and book a flight that is leaving in 4 days. First, let's assume there even is a flight available. Booking it 4 days in advance will usually mean it will be very spendy. So, I would have to pay the difference in the cost of tickets, PLUS the change fee. . . again. I haven't had a chance to talk to my boss about any of this yet because she was out of the office last week. But my Mom originally told her boss the dates she would be out of the office. Then when this high drama occurred on Thursday, she then told her boss that the dates she would be out of the office are two weeks later. So, if we were able to get tickets to leave Friday. . . ONCE AGAIN. . . this would really affect my Mom. A lot. That is not lost on me.
I've talked to some other people in the travel group that have the same embassy date. T met them all when he attended court as it's the same group. I've been following their stories, and have been so excited to meet them. Well, this is going to split our group up. Some people never got around to changing their original tickets. Some people would pay any amount, no matter what to change their tickets back. That means if the embassy decides to actually hear our cases on September 30th. . . some in our group will attend that date, and some will keep the October 14th date. This also makes me sad. I was so excited to meet all of these people. Our children know each other.
I'm not good with decisions. I wish someone would make it for me. . . although I know they can't. I also know that it's possible the adoption agency comes back to me on Monday and says the embassy won't budge and our date is October 14th. Then none of this worrying was worth it. But right now. . . I'm trying to play with every scenario. If it was me going alone, I think I would change my ticket Monday no matter the cost. But my Mom is gracious enough to go with me. She and my Dad have helped me financially and emotionally through this entire process. This back and forth is really affecting her, and that isn't fair.
And then there is Khalil. I can't believe how much I'm longing for him. I've never met him. But he's my son, and I have this strong urge to just get him home. Now.
What should I do? I should be packing right now. This all seems cruel. Although I never forget how lucky I am. I WILL be with Khalil. . . and that is not lost on me. It never will be. I just want him home so badly that it hurts.
9 comments:
Shoot! I had just stopped crying (Emily prayed for Allison this morning at breakfast, and it sent me into sobs so I had to leave the table and cried and prayed in Allison's room). I think we are the only two who changed our tickets. The one time I didn't procrastinate. :(
Right now we are praying for a lot of miracles, and trying to figure out where our line is on what two weeks (and my sanity) is worth. Or, that Delta would work with us.
Love,
Sara
Oh Leah, what a pain! I can only imagine how hard this must be for you!
Hi Leah... my thoughts and prayers are with you right now! I am so sorry that you are going through this stress. It is really hard in this moment, but one month from now, you will be able to look back, holding your son in your arms, and know that every ounce of it was worth it. I have so much admiration for you!
I can only imagine how difficult it is to WAIT and be in limbo! I pray everything works its self out and remember this time next month Khalil will be in your arms!!!
Sweetest Friend,
You go and start doing that preliminary packing. Drag out the suitcase and put in the items that you "know you will need". Do a pre-pack and make a list of what else needs to go, etc.. You are an amazing planner and organizer and that is one more reason this chaos has you in a tail spin. Not to mention you want to bring your son home.
As for the expense, I'm so sorry, as I know this is hard. However, I am hopeful this will all be resolved on Monday and you will have clarity.
Your dream was beautiful...Khalil will be in your arms soon Leah. Very soon.
I watched my favorite video again this morning..."bringing Tommy home". A local artist that I know adopted from Ethopia earlier this year. If you want to see it look up Emily Ozier's website and click on the link at the bottom about Tommy. I think of you everytime I watch this story....yours will be different, but so much the same :)
Much Love and go easy on yourself...xxx
ps I still think this will be me too someday. I'd love to adopt from China. Maybe you can help me navigate it when the time is right :)
I don't know! I know what I would do, but I don't have another baby to consider... Your whole situation is a little more complicated than mine would be! Praying you'll know what to do and have as much peace about it as you can!
As if you needed any more uncertainty and stress. Just remember, this too shall pass. And then...TWO BABIES at home with mommy and daddy. You'll forget all this angst that very moment.
I can't even imagine how difficult and stressful this situation is for you. ARGH!! Maybe you can focus on packing a bit - at least for K - and that can be an activity that will at least have you feeling like you're on your way to your boy, even if you're not sure exactly when. I am not sure what I would do in your situation, but I know I'd be going absolutely crazy. Hang in there!
Leah, I'm praying that the idea is made for you one way or the other and you will have no doubts about the right thing! I'm soooooo sorry that this has happened, and yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, you know these things can happen, blah, blah, blah!!! Nothing changes the fact that you aren't with Kahlil and this has been a huge problem! Sending you love, hugs, and prayers!
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